so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i believe in u and ur pee
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
