Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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