yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
