You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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