So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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