You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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