Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
