considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
