No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
