so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
