You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
