We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
