I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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