He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
