Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
