You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize