walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
