if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize