So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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