Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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