Dual....:-)
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
