I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
