it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
