his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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