It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
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I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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