if only i could text you this smell
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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