what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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