Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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