We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
