you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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