I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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