8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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