I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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