So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
