i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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