i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
