Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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