my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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