Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
