My Higher Power is John Stamos
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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