why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
