I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
