Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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