I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
