Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
