Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time