so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme