AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
