I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is Oprah even human
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.