All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.