Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
