I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
