he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
