Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
