Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize