she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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