There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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