I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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