this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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