also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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