nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
