we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
