wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
