u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
